Five Things I Learned from Postpartum Recovery with Five Kids
Estimated Reading Time: 9 mins
(Disclaimer: There are several factors that contribute to varied difficulties during the postpartum period. While the following tips can be helpful for transitioning into your next phase of life, this list is not exhaustive. If you are having difficulties that seem to go beyond the scope of help outlined in this post, please consult your midwife or physician immediately.)
If I learned anything after ten straight years of pregnancies and subsequent postpartum recovery periods, it's that there was no magic to postpartum recovery. There were simply good habits, appropriate support, and intentional mindset shifts.
Prior to having children, I generally felt like I was emotionally in control. Having endured hormonal imbalances and very irregular menstrual cycles since the age of 16, the feeling of being accosted by a seemingly random bout of depression or anxiety really messed with me. The immediate loss of direct command over my emotional and physical faculties would simply take me out; and so, during the years leading up to my first pregnancy, I had worked hard to get to know my body. By the age of 21, I had a fairly decent sense of when and how I was triggered or put at ease. This, my newfound “superpower”, lasted until I was 22 years old and had my first child.
It was the year 2006, and it seemed I was meeting myself for the first time all over again. I would repeatedly find myself in this same state of mind after each subsequent pregnancy… 2007, 2010, 2014, 2016. For ten years, I experienced life-altering change after life-altering change and had to learn my new baby and my new self (making a series of adjustments) each time.The good news, however, was that all of the pieces I needed for recovery were already at my disposal. While the degrees in shifts were different with each pregnancy, here’s what I learned:
1. What I ate and drank mattered.
I don’t know about you, but after delivering my babies, the food cravings didn’t stop. After my first and second deliveries, I wanted cake like nobody’s business. (Spoiler: I don’t even like cake!)
The Problem: When I gave into those remnant cravings, my satisfaction was always short-lived, leaving me craving more of the “bad” stuff.
My Solution: I ate with my eyes… but not in the gluttonous sense. I (more so my mom) made sure that there were “rainbows” on my plates. Eating whole foods (fruits, veggies, grains, etc.) in a variety of colors ensured that my body was getting diverse nutrients, which satisfied my cravings better than the cake or fried food that I thought I wanted. Drinking lots of water was a given, since I craved that more than anything else.
Hot Tip: Cooked root vegetables with dark, leafy greens, and grains, along with fresh cut fruit are go-tos for postpartum nutrition. (Thank you, Mom and Manmi Cergine.)
2. I kept a constant rhythm of movement and rest.
You’ve probably heard the saying, “Sleep when the baby sleeps.” I don’t know if you’ve ever felt this, but to me that saying didn’t always seem possible or even practical. The world didn’t stop just because I had a baby… and my toddlers definitely didn’t stop just because I had a baby.
The Problem: At first I struggled to reconcile handling logistical tasks like paying bills, doctors’ visits, mom duties, and house chores with making sure that my body was both rested and active. Also, the postpartum blues came for me especially hard after my second and fifth pregnancies.
My Solution: With good counsel from my midwife, I came to recognize that sleep was my number one weapon against both postpartum depression (PPD) and excessive weight gain. When I was rested, movement became easier; and it varied depending on my strength, time, and ability that day. Whether it was a 2-minute stretch, a 10-minute pilates session, or a 1-hour walk with my baby in the stroller, I didn’t obsess over what I was doing. I just made sure something got done.
Hot Tip: (1) If you’re having a particularly rough day, no need to beat yourself up. There were times when, although I knew I’d be getting up for a moment just to get right back into bed, I fixed my bed anyway. The extra movements from stretching the fitted sheet, walking around the bed, and fluffing pillows reminded my body that there was still life in me. Plus, getting into a made bed does something good for me emotionally that a disheveled bed simply doesn’t do. (2) Visitors want to see your baby. They already know you. When that trusted sister/cousin/auntie/friend comes over, let her stare at the baby all she wants while you go take a nap. Then if she’s got time to stick around after you’ve woken up, invite her to join you on your stroll with the baby. You two can catch up then. (I love you, ZaZa.)
3. I gave myself room to realign my thoughts.
4 a.m. feedings were the worst! (...until they weren’t.) I don’t know why, but 3 a.m. felt tolerable. 5 a.m. was decent… but 4??? Whenever my mom was around, she would keep an ear out in the middle of the night to come in and help us with diaper changes..
The Problem: During the times when it was just my husband and me, our energies would tank; and I occasionally felt resentful for having to take the brunt of it. I clearly had the boobs, plus I never produced enough milk to stock-pile pumped milk in the freezer for my husband to feed the babies consistently. (If I ever had 6 pouches in there, I was a pumping rock-star.)
My Solution: I remember one night, in particular, when I was feeling so angry because my husband was KNOCKED out, and I was EXHAUSTED. I started to rationalize how I would tactfully, yet sharply, let him know that this arrangement was not okay. As I worded and reworded my thoughts, a new idea came to mind: “He quietly gets ready for work every morning, kisses me on the forehead while I’m passed out in bed, heads out of the house to endure a 1-hour train commute (sometimes in inclement weather), followed by a full day of teaching math to middle schoolers and another 1-hour commute to return home, makes sure I’ve eaten, tag teams for baby’s bathtime, then goes to bed to repeat the cycle in the morning.” This may not be a popular thought, but I concluded that if 4 a.m. feedings felt like the hardest part of my day, then so be it. Hard is hard, and we each had our own versions to bear.
Hot Tip: I came to view those 4 a.m. feedings as two blessings: (1) My “keeping watch” to make sure that my husband’s rest was not disturbed; but more importantly (2) By baby number four, I began to experience the bitter-sweet nature and speed of watching my older children grow up. 4 a.m. feedings became my most cherished alone time with my newest baby. All day, I’d be pulled in so many different directions that it began to feel as though the youngest was just getting the basic necessities, while the older ones got a more attentive mom. My new mindset: Sleep would eventually return, and babies aren’t babies forever. 4 a.m. was our time. (We had some fun times, Benny.)
4. I needed to be outside.
As a Boston native, I’m not ashamed to say it: I HATE being cold. Now that I got that out, I will contradict my feelings to also say, I needed to feel the outside… regardless of the forecast. As they say, “There’s no such thing as bad weather… just bad clothing.”
The Problem: Mom fatigue is a real and crazy thing. There were moments when I’d realize that I hadn’t been outside in days. Also, it didn’t take me long to notice the difference in my mood or in my ability to sleep well when I hadn't gotten fresh air. Plus, with older children, the chances of them getting good rest when they had been cooped up inside were slim. That goes for the babies as well.
My Solution: The body always needs sunlight and fresh air, but especially during postpartum recovery. Stepping outside (or even nursing by an open window) helped boost my mood, my metabolism, and the quality of my sleep.
Hot Tip: On some days, the farthest I’d gotten was to sit on the front porch of my parents’ house or to open the back door and stand in the backyard for 30 seconds of fresh air. Medium-sized plans would include a ten-minute drive to the ocean to watch the tide come in. Bigger plans were a lunch date with a good friend and my brand new baby in tow. No effort was too small. If it’s all you’ve got, just look out the window. (I miss you, Mar.)
5. I was serious about my refills.
Nope. Not medication… but when it came to my spiritual wellbeing, I didn’t miss. Entering into motherhood and adapting to my new self is undoubtedly the most spiritual experience I have ever had. Now that my children are 19, 17, 14, 10, and 8, this lesson has truly paid off in marked ways.
The Problem: Motherhood can be extremely stressful. It has the power to shift every thought and impulse. This isn’t actually a problem (see lesson number three about shifting priorities and mindsets), but man did it sometimes feel problematic when I just wanted life to feel familiar again… or when others wanted me to operate within the version of myself that had previously been familiar to them.
My Solution: I allowed myself to be centered by my faith. This may sound churchy, but honestly the spiritual system by which one operates is for character formation as well as character elevation, and motherhood DEFINITELY has the power to form and elevate one’s character… even through all the fatigue.
Hot Tip: Whether I was actively listening or not, I played life-giving podcasts and soothing music A LOT. I just needed it in my space. And while nursing, I sometimes read spiritual books aloud to my babies, then explained what the passage was saying. I don’t know about you, but reading aloud helps me comprehend and internalize the material so much better… not to mention what it does for a child’s cognitive reasoning abilities. It’s also nice to have a loved one read to you and your baby. That kind of support is “goated.” (Good looking out, Babe.)
